The Life of A Chicken With His Head Cut Off

Why in the hell is it that a person can work his ass off for two weeks, get a full paycheck, pay bills, and try to survive and NOT have enough money to get gas, food, cigs, or possibly, god forbid, have money to do something fun. I am so damn sick of seeing the account with only one digit and some change, I'm ready to scream. I'm a good person, I work, I try to keep people happy and I'm the one who gets shit on. I pay my bills, yeah they aren't on time, but damn it, I have to have money in other places. I've started working the Pampered Chef and hopefully that will start bring money in. Tony is still working the convenience store and that brings some more in, but damn it, it's not enough. So tell me, besides selling drugs or hoing yourself out, how in the hell can a decent person survive. I swear, I've gotten to the point of just giving it all up, just end it all and be done with it. I love my family, I love my friends, I love Tony; BUT it's getting so damn hard to make it every day. I smile, laugh, and go on, but one can only do that for so long. I know there are probably some of you saying, "Why is this bitch complaining so much? That is life and you have to deal with it." But you know what, I DON'T FUCKING CARE!!!! Yes I know life sucks and that it's not fair, but damn it, I'm going to bitch about it.

My mother worries all the time that I'm not doing well. She worries that I'm not going to wake up tomorrow or make it through the day. I love her for doing that. Some of you may think that this is morbid or something, but guess why me and my mom always say I love you at the end of a conversation no matter how long. We say it in case it's the last conversation we have with each other. We'll never have to say, "I wish I would have said I love you." How sweet is that I tell you. I LOVE YOU MOM!!!!  I love hearing it from people dear to my heart. It's just about the only thing that's keeping me going right now. To know that there are people out there that think about me and smile makes me feel good. But I hate the fact her and others worry about me. I wish I was better off so that no one whom I love would have to worry about me.

I hate it when Tony borrows money from people, dear god that makes me feel like poor white trash. I hate living in a trailer park. I hate owing people money. I hate having to live paycheck to paycheck. I hate having to eat peanut butter or tuna fish sandwiches everyday. I hate worrying if there's a check that's going to bounce. I hate stuck up people who look down on me. I hate fuckin' twinks that think just because they have smooth toned body's and a head full of hair that they are better than everyone else. I hate not having cable anymore. I hate dial up. I hate money. I hate not having good credit. I hate having to say yes when I really want to say no. I hate being addicted to cigarettes. I hate the color red. I hate homophobic people trying to make laws for my bedroom. I hate people who don't ask questions about things they don't understand. I hate it when people screw up your food order, HELLO THERE'S PICTURES ON THE KEYPAD. I hate not getting too see Tony as much as I want.

There, I've gotten everything off my chest for the day. I'll update you from the week tomorrow.

WHY CAN'T I GET AHEAD???

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Hello all!

Well, it's been an eventful week. I met Brad on Sunday. It was alright, but good lord, the boy can talk a lot. LOL!

Tony's medication seems to be working. His mood swings are at an absolute minimum. I just have to remember to keep mine in check and to not get upset about things. God I'm glad he's laughing and smiling again.

I got to formally meet Chris and Ken this week. They seem nice. Ken is very quiet, but I'm sure that we can break him of that. LOL!

Today is our last softball games. Everyone is supposed to be there and I'm having a feeling along with hoping and praying that we at least win one game this season. Wish us luck everyone! Weather permitting, we'll be playing. I'm bringing my camera and taking plenty of pics so everyone can see the team. Let me just say, I think we have one of the cuttest teams on the league. LOL!

Mom's been on me and Tony about getting our Christmas list done and I think I've just about got it finished. I'm waiting for Tony to wake up to get his input in it. I thought we needed more, but on paper it's not that much.

I got my Pampered Chef in the other day. I swear, it was just like Christmas. I can't wait to go grocery shopping so I can make some of the recipes in my new cookbook. Tony didn't look to thrilled about any of them, but his pallet is very bland, so it might take a little time to get him used to them, or he'll be living off of grilled cheese and sandwiches til I get the bug outta my system. LOL!

Well, I'm off to finish a load of laundry. Have a good time til next post ladies and gentlemen. BIG KISS........*MUAH*

Hello!!!! Sorry for not posting sooner, but it's been a busy week and I've basically been using the phone a lot. Let's begin, shall we.

I've been talking to Brad a lot this week and lord, the man knows his television and music. I honestly can't say that there was ever a boring moment talking with him. I'm glad that I decided to call him. He's coming over tomorrow and we're going to have a "V" marathon. I'm so excited. I'm scared to death of snakes, but love that show. LOL!

Persia showed me her talent for her pagent this weekend at the Tennessee Valley Pride Pagent. I have a feeling Kitty is going to stomp some ass when her and Rodney break it out. One of the funniest talents I've seen in a while. Damn, it was good to laugh that hard. GOOD LUCK GIRL!!!!

Me and Tony have been doing good this week. He was such a trooper on Friday taking care of all the bills and actually laughing again. I love it when he laughs. It reminds me of the Tony that I met and the reason I love him. He's wanting to go to the doctor to help with his anxiety and at first I was hesitant about it, but now, I know he needs it, so I'm all for it. God, he deals with so much. I couldn't even begin to imagine what he goes through to get through the days.

Work was exhausting this week! It was a total week of trying to stay on top of reports and catching up on the ones that fell behind. But congratulate me bitches, I did it and survived. YAY ME!!!!

Today was Knoxville's Human Rights March. It was so much fun. I walked with the softball league and had a blast. The people appeared to be very supportive and I think a good time was had by all. There were a couple of performers that weren't really my style, but god love em for getting up there and giving it there all. I have to say, even the neo-christians weren't that bad. We really didn't see them thanks to our supporters covering them up with their banners. BRAVO DAHLIN'S BRAVO!!!!! And of course, stupid me, I forgot my camera. LOL!

I finally officially signed up for Pampered Chef today, so watch out. I'm coming to you to book a kitchen party SOON! I've already hit up my mom and Chad for magazine parties. It's amazing how quickly people say yes when you tell them they get free stuff. LOL! God love them for saying they would do it for me though.

Speaking of my mother, she called me twice this week. It's so nice talking to her. I feel so at ease and relaxed after letting everything out to her. I know she would have been right there marching with me today, head held high. She is so proud of me and you don't know how much I need that somedays. She informed me that my brother's ex-wife has decided to take him to court for full custody of the twins. Now I'm not a lawyer or anything, but tell me something; how in the hell can a person who has no job, no home, and no income with a husband who has a 6th grade education, going to take care of two children. Me thinks that this doesn't add up in the real world. You don't have anything to worry about Chad. For those of you that are confused, my brothers name is Chad as well as one of my best friends.

Ms Julia called me a few times this week to keep me up too tabs on her and Ms Mary Jo. Poor Mary Jo is having such a time with that man of hers. I tell you, she needs to have that loser magnet removed from her body and she'll be better off. LOL!

Well, the washing machine has just screamed at me that it's done so I best be off. Have a good time til the next post bitches.

BIG KISS..........*MUAH*

Well, you'll be happy to know that I actually got off my butt yesterday and cleaned my car out, washed the dishes, and went to my softball game. It was a bust, 21-1, but we played one of the best teams in our league, so not much was expected. Our team totally was on the ball though. Many catches were made, and the hitting was phenominal. We just couldn't seem to get it started for some reason. Oh well! We're a new team and we'll only get better.

Talked to a possible new friend who knew everything about anything 80's. It was a good conversation that I really enjoyed. Hopefully Brad will be a friend for a while.

I unfortunately gave Tony the cold shoulder this morning because I was feeling a little weird this morning. Not sure what was going on, but I just didn't feel right. I was apologizing the whole time I was talking to him when he called. He's dealing with a lot right now, and my tangent emotional break down's shouldn't be one of them.

I'm off tonight to hopefully start a new business opportunity with Pampered Chef. I love this stuff and after my first party, I know I can sell this. Wish me luck!

Work today was ungodly! There was so much to do and definitely not enough time to do it. Oh well, hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to catch up.

Well, that's all for now! Have a good night everyone!

BIG KISS.........MUAH!

Alright, I'm know I should be getting off my lazy ass and actually doing something, but for some reason I can't. My little dog, Oliver, is here jumping at my side, just begging me to play with him, Tony is at work, and I should clean my car. Who knows, I might just find the strength after I post this. LOL!

BIG KISS *MUAH*

Well hello there! I would first like to thank you for giving me the opportunity to fill you in on my life and dreams. Now that that is over, let's get down to business. Welcome to the life of a 20-something year old who is running through life going day by day praying that the credit card won't decline or that bill collector won't call and trying to keep everyone in his life happy. I hope you enjoy it, and are ready to thank your lucky stars that you are not me. LOL!

BIG KISS......MUAH!